Vodka please. /
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Sometimes I feel lonely, like shedding
so many tears I don’t even have inside of me. How can one person hurt me so bad
and not even realize it until now. I show all the love I wish to receive and
all I get is stress, disrespect and bullshit. Every time I try to walk away its
drags me back crawling on my knees, feeling weak and hopeless. Tears that they don’t
deserve and love that’s not appreciated. Then I take a step back and realize
all the time I wasted with people who never deserved to be in my life. Love and
care that went to the garbage like it was nothing. I hate goodbyes and I’m
afraid of hellos. Why? Because I don’t want to feel the way I’ve felt these
past years over and over again like the clock that never stop but everyday its
goes through the same routine. The everyday day is a new hello but I always
think about yesterday’s goodbye, memories I’ve created and can’t have back. Change,
difficult to get accustomed to when I know what was before it. We all change to
benefit ourselves from certain situations we might not want to stumble upon for
the first time or repeatedly. Shit gets old after a while, I get tired of
dealing with people’s bullshit when I barely can handle my own. I get fed up
and say fuck it, I leave all the broken pieces behind me. Don’t even bother to
clean it up since I’m listening to my mind that I’ll get hurt trying to repair
something that I didn’t tear. All my heart wants is to feel, feel love and
affection that most likely isn’t even real. It does can be my biggest enemies
at times just like my mind. I don’t know whether to follow my heart or to
listen to my mind. The yells of my heart knows what will make me happy for the
moment but the whispers of my mind knows what’s best for the long run. I tend
to cheat myself and settle for the short distance sprint other than the long
distance to the present.