I think, sometimes, I make up feelings for myself. Whenever I'm alone I get really sad or really desperate feeling, or really angry feeling, but I never know why.Sometimes, in between those feelings I get bursts of contentedness. I feel at ease. I think going through life so unsatisfied makes me so desperate to feel things. So, I get sad, I get angry, I get mad, and then when I feel a little satisfaction, I feel at ease. There are times, however, when I am in dire, dire need of a good feeling and the easiest one I can think to go to is sadness and I think, and I try to make myself cry. I am so negative and horrible during my desperation and, sometimes, I do cry. I cry a lot. But, other times, I don't feel anything. I don't feel sad, or mad at myself, or content, or shame. I don't feel a thing. My mind goes blank. So, I sit and I try to feel and I can't. Ironically, though, not feeling anything gradually makes you feel a whole lot. I start breathing quickly and my head is spinning and I realized that what I am feeling is scared. I'm terrified, I never feel satisfied after being terrified. I think that's because being scared is the truth.