Dearest future boyfriend,

I'm such a confusing mess of emotions. You know, sometimes, I feel like I am fine with being single. I am strong and uninhibited and don’t need to be connected to anything because you know what? Nothing in life is permanent anyways, right? Why do we put our faith into that concept of ‘forever’ when it all has an expiration date? Why even bother? I don’t need it anyways. I don’t need to be defined by any guy or relationship. I just need to be myself, get my shit done, and be who I truly am. That’s all that matters. Right? But then I realize, part of that is an act. I really do want to be my own person, without having to lean on anyone. I hate having to rely on anyone. But also? I’m terrified of getting hurt. I’m scared of getting attached and getting left. I am so much more fragile than I like to let on. I like to act as though things don’t bug me. But they tear me apart, from limb to limb until only small fragments are left, trying to sew themselves back together into some semblance of an armor to protect me and my glass heart. Transparent and far too breakable. I’m so done with getting into things and putting my hopes into it only to get it taken away from me as soon as I get comfortable. As soon as I begin to hope that things might, for once, work out. I am so scared, sometimes. And I don’t want to go to anyone about it. And I don’t know what to do besides wait and hope that it gets better. To meet you and hopefully get over my stupid little fears that hold me back and scare me more than I’d care to admit. You probably won’t be in my life soon, but when you are, just know that I will always be faithful to you, as long as you are to me. I don’t mind if you have girl-friends, and when you want to hang out with your boys, feel free. I don’t like being clingy. Just know, that I do like some attention, and I’d like it if you give it to me because you want to, not because you feel you have to. I have a tendency to not be able to speak my thoughts out. Like when I’m mad, sad, or jealous, I tend to show my emotions but never to speak them when you ask me what’s wrong. Please be patient with me. I will eventually tell you because it will slowly eat me alive, but be patient. It takes time for me to grow the courage deep down to express how I really feel. I’m honestly a very closed off person and it takes time for me to just openly say what’s wrong with me because I always feel like it is never my place to be mad. So just wait. I cannot be perfect all the time. I will not be. That is a guarantee I can give you. I am not a perfect person. But neither will you be. We will both have days where we’re in bad moods, not in the mood to talk or seem distant. I’m not always going to be sure why that is. Sometimes I just need a day to feel how I feel and not try to change it. I will probably dislike the days when you’re feeling like this, and don’t expect you to like those days with me. But I want you to know that I won’t so easily run away. I want you to know that even though I might not be the kindest, most affectionate person at certain moments, I will still love you. You will have to trust me in that, and I will do the same for you.That’s all I ask for, patience. Let me cook for you breakfast in bed, bake you cookies anything you’d like I'll do it for you, let me take care of you for a change while you sit back and relax, I'll rub your shoulders cause I know you’ve had a long stressful day. Talk to me about your day what is bugging you, what you’re in the mood for. I want to make you smile as much as possible. I will support you in every aspect of life. Id remind you every day how lucky I am to have someone like you who cares and loves me as much as I do. I'd tell you how handsome you are, cheer you up when your day isn’t going well. Let me do what you’d do for me for a change, because you deserve to be catered to. :)