SPM trial is going to start on Monday and Chemistry would be my first subject. I don't want to target high for this subject because it's like I'm expecting something and expectation is the root of heartache so I'll just do my best and leave the rest to God. Pray for me okay. :) I'll prove to you that I don't need any motivation from you. I'll motivate myself because God is always with me and I believe in Him. You shouted at me over the phone just because I came back late? 8.30 pm is late for you? I wonder what your reactions are if I told you that I used to come back home at midnight when I was 14-15. I'm 18 now so please don't treat me like I'm 8. It's not that I'm roaming around town with some guys. I went to buy stuff with my sisters and had dinner outside. Mummy was busy at the office so being the eldest daughter, I do have play my role and see through my sisters. It hurts when you won't even want to listen to my explanation granny. This is one of the reason why I really want to move out of here. The pressure and the anger that is in my heart is just too much and I'm afraid that I can't control it. Wanna know why I self harm? Why I self destruct? Simply because of the feelings, emotions and pain is just too much and I can't tell anybody that they are the main reason for my pain and all. I can't tell them because I don't want to hurt their feelings and because I still want them in my life so I end up faking like I'm happy and pretend like I don't remember all those hurtful words they said and deeds they did. I'll never forget because those things ate me alive. I can't go and tell my granny "Ma, I hate you for making me feel like I'm worthless." I can't go and tell my dad "Papa, I hate you for giving up on me and not being there for me." I can't go and tell my ex "I hate you for leaving me and making me think that you are different from the others." I can't go and tell my friend " I hate you for always treating me like a piece of trash. You're only good when you need something." See all these hatred in me? I'm silently dying.
← OLDER POSTS | HOME | NEWER POSTS →
the blogger
I’m the type of person that enjoys making an impact on people’s day. I enjoy putting a smile on others faces. It doesn’t matter if they are a complete stranger or a best friend. I treat everyone with the same amount of respect. I’m the type of person that says “please” and “thank you”. The person that holds the door open for you. The person that lets you cut ahead in line. The person that says “bless you” when you sneeze. The person that spots you a couple dollars if you need it. The person that picks up your pencil off the floor. The person that reminds you that not everyone is cold hearted and distant. The person that shows you that not all good people are gone. The one that makes an impact on your day whether it be only for a minute or a lifetime. I’m the person that shows you that there still is hope in humanity. I’m the person that believes acts of kindness can change the world for the better.
