Outer shell /
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My outer shell is tough, hard to break through, beautiful, smile that might brighten up the darkest hole in your soul, yet inside selfish, fragile, torn to the point where I can’t even trace back where all this anger came from. Sometimes, I feel lonely, like shedding so many tears I don’t even have inside of me. How can one person hurt you so bad and not even realize it. You show all the love you wish to receive and all you get is stress. Disrespect and bullshit . Every time you try to walk away its drags you back crawling on your knees, feeling weak and hopeless. The one good overcomes the million bads. Live in the moment and take the pain that comes after it . Tears that they don’t deserve and love that’s not appreciated. Then you take a step back and realize all the time you wasted with people who never deserved to be in your life . Love and care that went to the garbage like it was nothing, wiped off from your future to paint a better picture . I hate goodbyes and am afraid of hello’s . Why? Because I don’t wanna feel the way I’ve felt these past years over and over again like the clock that never stop but everyday its goes through the same routine. The everyday day is a new hello but we always think about yesterdays goodbye, memories we’ve created and can’t have back. Change, difficult to get accustomed to when you know what was before it. We all change to benefit ourselves from certain situations we might not want to stumble upon for the first time or repeatedly. Shit gets old after a while, you get tired of dealing with people’s bullshit when you can barely handle your own. You get fed up and say fuck it, leave all the broken pieces behind you at last. Don’t even bother to clean it up since you’re listening to your mind that you’ll get hurt trying to repair something that you didn’t tear. All your heart wants is to feel , feel love and affection that most likely isn’t even real. It can be your biggest enemy at times just like your mind. You don’t know whether to follow your heart or to listen to your mind. The yells of your heart knows what’ll make you happy for the moment but the whispers of your mind knows what’s best for the long run. We tend to cheat ourselves and settle for the short distance sprint other than the long distance to the present after finish line of finding true happiness. Know your worth, never settle for less than what you deserve.
