My scars. /
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My scars will always be there to remind me everything happened for a
reason, that the pass is real, but I just gotta keep my head up high and
smile threw all the pain. I’ve never realized how much my mood can change in a matter of days. I
went from being on a high of complete happiness to feeling completely
numb, empty and not good enough. I cried, and cried before I couldn’t
cry anymore and when it got down to it, my mother made me promise her I
wouldn’t cut myself. I promised but sinned, and scrammed at my wrist
with a sharp object. All I could think over the matter of 4 days was how
much I needed to slice at my skin because I would never be good enough
for anyone. I felt the pain of having something you loved dearly be
ripped from you, it wasn’t pretty and I hated it, I completely detested
it. Music became my best friend and it helped but then it did nothing
but create doubts in my already crazy but fucked up head. I knew
somewhere deep down things weren’t running smoothly, and I tried my
hardest to just ignore those thoughts, and while I succeeded in ignoring
those thoughts, others were filling my mind, ones that were depressing
and ones which were along the lines of “You need to just fuck off
somewhere..” or, “Why are you even alive?” and I asked myself such
questions all weekend, I am a mess. It actually felt nice to want to cut
again and It made me realize how much I’ve missed doing it. When am I
ever going to love myself for who I am? Never. Everyone says that I’m
good enough and I don’t believe it. I’m only good enough for a blade and
that’s it.